There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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