I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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