Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
