I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
