Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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