as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
