Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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