i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
