I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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