I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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