How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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