At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
