I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
