I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
