Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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