can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I think I just shit out all my problems.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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