I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
