I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I need a beard to bite.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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