I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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