Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
