don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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