I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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