id be glad to
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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