I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
