i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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