My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
