Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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