Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
