im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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