you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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