I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
