This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
