ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
