he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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