I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
