After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Randomize