he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
im holly from the hills drunk
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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