so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
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You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
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I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
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