just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
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