I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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