we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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