I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
