Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
