oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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