ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
