it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize