Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
