dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
