the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
