It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm getting married
To pizza
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Randomize
