mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
