Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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