I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
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thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
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Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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