I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Randomize
