whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
