1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
