sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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