I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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