I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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