Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
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well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
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Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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