If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
