I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
