I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
