If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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