Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
