Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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